A Dedication To My Angel

My Dear Jessica: The following pages were put together with Love and admiration.  Mommy is very proud of her little hero and I hope that you continue to inspire everyone that you may encounter. Even though you are only 2 years old, you have been through so much more than you deserved, but you have taught me to see  the world through your eyes.  You have grown to be loved by many and we all think you are very special. When you were born, never did I think nor expect that you would have to conquer as much as you already have.  You were so healthy, so happy, and content.  I did not know that this monsterous disease was silently lurking, just waiting to attack like a violent storm raging through the night. Never did you complain, until the pain was stronger than you, you were so tolerant of us giving you all kinds of medicine for things that weren't there.  Sweetheart please know that mommy is so sorry that you had to suffer so long before we found out what was wrong.  If I could turn back time I would have done things so much differently.  No it would not have stopped the cancer from being there, but it certainly would have put an end to your 3 months of suffering and pain. Then came the morning of January 18th, 1998, the morning I picked your lifeless body out of your crib, you were so sick and barely breathing, a different local doctor did blood tests and spinal taps, and x-rays and said we had to get you to the Children's Hospital right away.  If I would have waited even a few hours more I would have lost you. When we got to the hospital in Montreal, I was not prepared to hear what they said to us.  The words they said stabbed me in the heart, and at that instant our lives were about to change forever.  They told us you had Cancer(Neuroblastoma).  Chemotherapy was started right away.  They went over the side effects with us, but still I was not prepared for what was to come with chemotherapy, you lost 8  pounds, your hair fell out immediately, and you were so sick and sad, you had tubes, iv's, monitors of every kind, and biopsy after biopsy, surgeries, needles, and it hurt me so much to see you in such condition and to know the pain you must have been feeling, I wanted so much to make it go away.  I was powerless, I could not ease your pain and suffering.